Pages to burn

I’m at war with myself and my insecurities.

I tell others that it’s fine to joke around with me about my weight, but when it’s coming from someone like my sister - who is thinner than me, prettier than me, it’s different. I ended up revealing my ‘insecurity’ problem to my family and walking out to the public restroom at Pizza Hut - breaking down. It was the worst feeling I’ve ever felt about my secret. Then my sister told me, “what are you insecure about? you’re smart!” That’s not it! She just can’t get it! So why don’t I do something about this problem? It’s not that easy. I’ve been trying, I really have. But it’s not as easy as it sounds.

Then our argument moved from that to my work. I got mad at her earlier for disturbing me while the line was sooo long for both drive-thru and service! Of course I’ll yell “I’m BUSY” =.= And what did she tell me? “Gumagawa ka lang ng french fries sa work mainit na ulo mo, tas pagod ka na.” Excuse me? SHE, of all people, should know how hard my job is - standing up for 5 and a half hours, not only making french fries, but serving different kinds of people, cleaning up utensils, and stocking. So, yes, I’m tired. Napikon ako sa sinabi nya, but who wouldn’t? 

Just because she’s pretty and thin. Doesn’t give her the right to joke about what I eat. Instead of finishing up my order, I ended up losing my appetite. 

Psychologically, I think I got affected. Now I don’t feel like eating any more - at all.